Here are 10 reasons why atheists and agnostics have religious funerals:

1.  The family made the decision.

Most people don’t plan their own funerals. Families are likely to choose a religious funeral as will be suggested by the funeral director, who they don’t want to contradict. Plan your own funeral so the decisions are yours and not your family’s.

2. It is the ‘right thing to do’.

Strange how people want to ‘do the right thing’. But no, it’s wrong…it’s hypocritical…it’s nonsense.  The ‘right thing’ is to be honest.  If you are atheist or agnostic, or believe religion an obsolete and negative force in society, a religious funeral is not the right thing to do.

3.  If there is a heaven, you want to go there.

Religion as an insurance policy, hey. By having the vicar, priest, or other religious officiant saying the right thing, you will go to heaven. I don’t think so, and if it’s as easy as that it makes a mockery of the whole thing.

4.  It’s what the funeral director recommends.

Nearly all funeral director’s staff are well trained, professional and compassionate.  If they assume the family wish for a religious funeral for the departed loved one, the family goes along with it.   So, plan your funeral otherwise it is planned for you.

5.  Older members of the family are religious and you don’t want to upset them.

It’s your funeral, not theirs!

6.  The hymns are nice and it is good that everyone says goodbye singing rousing hymns.

A very good reason to have a religious funeral…unless you don’t want one.

7.  Previous generations are buried in the church graveyard and there’s space for one more.

Fine if you want to go along with the family tradition, but not if you don’t.

8. It’s cheaper than hiring a humanist officiant.

A church funeral is fairly inexpensive while humanist officiants charge more to take the ceremony. But you get what you pay for…my experience is that the vicar will read out biographical facts supplied by the family members following a short visit, while the humanist officiant will take more time and trouble to understand the nuances of the life that is being remembered.

9. If the vicar/priest is in charge there’s less likely to be a family argument and nobody will stand up and say what an evil bastard he was.

If the family is worried that your funeral could end up in a family argument, it is less likely to happen in church…so it will all kick off at the reception.

10. These days most Christian ‘religious’ funerals aren’t that religious – you can have secular music, secular readings and family members and friends can deliver the tribute.

The modern British funeral became ‘mainstream’ with Princess Diana’s half religious, half showbiz send off. Now most churches will agree to mix and match religious and secular.  This is a good solution if you want to please most of the people most of the time.

You have a choice: boring, dull, sad, dreary, hypocritical religious funeral, over in less than an hour to make way for the next family. Or, a unique event that marks your life, values and beliefs, a ceremony where people remember you and smile, listen to some great music, share honest memories, eat and drink well, and think: that was a great way to say goodbye.

Sixty per cent of people who die, die intestate.  They don’t make a will.

I understand that making a will, and making other ‘end of life’ decisions, come low in the list of priorities, particularly for people who are fit and well.

But when researching the likely popularity of My Last Song, I was shocked by the people who expressed the view that they couldn’t be bothered to sort things out because ‘they would be dead so what was the point?’

The point is that they are leaving a grieving and confused family to sort out what is usually a complicated set of circumstances.

These include disposing of the estate – the value of the assets of the dead person – and finding out and contacting numerous organisations such as banks, pension companies, clubs, insurance companies, utilities, local council, DVLA, and – increasingly – dealing with the online presence.

Equally stressful – and equally important to resolve – are the funeral wishes.  Funerals can range from the depressingly anonymous to the gloriously individual.  If you don’t make your own arrangements by purchasing a pre-paid funeral plan or writing down your funeral wishes, your life is likely to be marked by a pretty dismal ‘one size fits all’ quasi religious empty ritual.

Fine if you want to be remembered by tears and depression, but not so good if you want people to look back on your life with joy and happiness, if you want to be recalled as a unique individual whose life can be marked by particular music, poems, readings, tributes and by the style of your leaving.

And if you don’t plan your funeral it will be left to the family.  Too often, the funeral arrangements can open up long standing tensions and disagreements that lead to terrible arguments and bitterness.

As our lives become more complicated, with serial marriages/relationship becoming more common; financial arrangements more complicated; careers and business life more  complex; our possessions more numerous and valuable, so the mess we leave is more difficult to clear up unless we take control ourselves…before it is too late.

Surely it is better to appoint a well qualified solicitor to advise on writing your will and to take the time to put your affairs in order, write down the information your executor and next of kin should have, and plan for the funeral that will celebrate your life the way you want it to be celebrated.

Do it now and keep it up to date.  You won’t get a second chance.

When I ask people if they have planned anything about their funeral, the answer is usually “No… But I know what song I want played”. Music plays such an important role in so many people’s lives that even if they put off thinking about the inevitable, most people already know what song they want played – that perfect song that sums up their lives and what is important to them.

Something that we believe at My Last Song is that people should have a funeral that reflects them as a person and their beliefs. Too often have I been to a funeral where the service or ceremony, and particularly the music just don’t reflect the person – it’s either how the family think a funeral should be or it is dictated by their religion.

I know that when I go, I want the funeral to reflect who I am as a person, what I achieved and why people liked me (or why I think they did) and music is the single most universal thing that can do that. I want a song that sums me up, the lyrics written and performed by people that have the skill to do this so well in a song. Everyone has had that moment when they listen to a song and they think ‘This is my song, it says a lot about me and my life.’  So that is why I will take time to choose my last song, and make sure it is played at my departure.

It will also give a message to the people I expect to be at my send off to say their final goodbyes.  They will know about my life and the person I was, when they hear my last song and so they will understand  and remember in a more profound and personal way than the all too familiar alternative – dreary hymns and clichéd pop songs.

Simply, music at a funeral is the last chance you have to say: “I have gone, but when you hear this, I am still here. This is me, this piece of music is for me and from me. From now on, when you hear it I will be in your life and thoughts again”. That’s why I have chosen my last song. What’s yours?

People’s attitudes to their own funerals divides into three:

1. I won’t be around so I don’t care.
2. I want my ending to be appropriate to my life.
3. It’s how my family and friends will say goodbye so it’s up to them.

At My Last Song, we believe a good life deserves a good ending, and that you should ‘go out on the right note’.  Which is why we are encouraging people to plan their own funerals, to make it a unique event that marks their lives as individuals and to choose their last song.

The choice of music is important because we all have a musical soundtrack to our lives – the first piece of music you remember, the song that was playing when you met your partner, the track you play because the lyric sums up an emotion or event…

And those people who are special in your life will know which pieces of music were important in your life, and why.  So if, when your friends and family are gathered to say their final goodbyes, a piece of music is played that says something special, something unique about you, they will understand and remember in a more profound and personal way than the all too familiar alternative.

That alternative? Old fashioned and inappropriate hymns (only a small percentage of  us worship) or clichéd pop tunes.

And if you start thinking about how the music played at your funeral can say something personal about you, think also about other aspects of your final event.

Instead of a something sombre and low key, how about a party? Instead of black clothes and tears, why not colourful clothes and smiles. Instead of expensive flowers and wreathes that last a few days, ask for donations to your favourite good cause? Rather than have someone make up an inaccurate and inappropriate summary of your life, why not write it yourself, record it and have it played so those gathered to say goodbye can hear you tell it like it was.

Yes, music at a funeral is important, and so are lots of other things which if you don’t organise them in advance, just won’t happen…there’s no second chance.