The  coincidence of ITV exposing the most appalling practices of Gillman’s Funeral Directors, now sadly part of Funeral Services Partnership, and the commercial greed  encouraged by Dignity Funeral Services on the same night as Dead Good Job, BBC2, highlighted some of the very best in the death business, underlines some interesting issues.

It is difficult to comprehend the absolutely disgusting, disrespectful, racist, venal and unprofessional attitudes that characterise Funeral Services Partnership’s approach to handling every aspect of a funeral.

Despite the repeated apologies of Phillip Greenfield, CEO of Funeral Partnerships, nobody will believe his assertion that the practices exposed by an undercover reporter taken on as a casual worker at Gillmans are exceptions.  This description of their business, on their website, says it all: ‘a midlands based consolidator of funeral care providers.’

The appalling practices of dealing with a body, loathsome attitudes towards families, particularly those from ethnic minority communities, lack of training and understaffing is clearly endemic in an organisation that believes, in Greenfield’s words, to be a high street business just like any other, and whose main aim is to increase shareholder value.

So whatever you do, do not purchase a funeral from any company that is part of Funeral Services Partnership.

The same advice must be true of any funeral director that’s part of Dignity. It’s a stock exchange listed company, it wants to make as much profit as possible and it does so by ripping off the client. And clients who are bereaved, in shock and affected by intense grief are very easy to rip off, as Dignity know only too well. They’re good at it, so avoid a Dignity owned funeral director if you believe integrity is more important than profit.

Of the big conglomerates, that leaves the Co-operative Funeralcare Services. However, their funeral directors are now affected by a similar exposure of unprofessional, greedy and disrespectful attitudes broadcast earlier this year. As with Funeral Services Partnership and Dignity, the Co-operative Funeralcare is driven by accountants wanting to increase the bottom line figure, with service to the client coming a rather distant second, despite of course, statements to the contrary from their managing director. This blog shows their lack of professionalism.

Contrast this with the excellent standards shown by the funeral directors taking part in Dead Good Job. Of course, they knew a camera crew were following them around, but what is more germane is the attitudes of those running their independent funeral service companies such as Paul Sinclair of Motorcyle Funerals, Carl Marlow of Go As You Please and Gulam Mabud Taslim and granddaughter Moona Taslim-Saif who run the family Muslim funeral company, Haji Taslim in London’s east end.

Of course they run commercial businesses, but their shared ethos is to provide a good service which is based on a sympathetic understanding of giving what their clients want and can afford.  Indeed what was interesting was the community role played in particular by Haji Taslim, their community being the Muslims of Whitechapel and environs.

There needs to be a re-evaluation of what we expect a funeral to be and how it’s delivered. One increasingly attractive option is for a community funeral in which various members of a community, however that is defined, collaborate to deliver the care, the expertise, the mourners, the officiant and pooled funds to give a member of that community a good funeral.

That’s at the personal not for profit end of a spectrum at which the other end squat the disgusting, venal ‘profit is everything’ companies described above.

Somewhere closer to where we should be looking short term are the small, independent funeral directors not yet purchased by the Co-op, Dignity or utterly wretched Funeral Services Partnership. These independents deserve our support.

Sun Life Direct are to be congratulated on their annual Cost of Dying Report. It’s a comprehensive and helpful piece of research.
They have just published the ninth which shows that the basic cost of a funeral has risen by 6.2 per cent from £3091 in 2011 to £3284 in 2012; a 71 per cent increase since 2004.
Burial costs represent the largest increase (9.6 per cent) while cremation costs (6.6 per cent) and funeral directors’ costs (5.3 per cent) also rose significantly.
Eddie Harris, jazz sax player, wrote a song entitled I Need Some Money in which he said: ‘With the cost of living today, you can’t afford to die.’ The report bares this out: 17 per cent struggled with funeral costs and had to resort to serious measures to meet the shortfall with 20 per cent paying by credit card, 10 per cent borrowing the money, and nine per cent selling belongings.
Despite this, people are spending seven per cent more on memorials, flowers, and limousines.
The financial problems caused by the rising costs and growing inability to pay means the government’s Social Fund Funeral Payment Scheme, designed to contribute to the cost of funerals for the most vulnerable in society, is struggling to meet demand.
And yet, according to the report, 27 per cent have not thought about how they will pay for their funeral.
Little wonder then that Simon Cox of Sun Life Direct commented, “We must encourage people to look ahead and start planning in advance. There are suitable options for people to take financial responsibility for their own funerals.”
Those options, not surprisingly, are Sun Life financial products, and why not as Sun Life is a reputable company with a good reputation for services such as pre-paid funeral plans.  Cox’s foreword to the report should be read carefully as it is a most considered and well argued piece.
My Last Song has run a survey over the past few months asking visitors if they would consider planning their own funeral or leave it to loved ones. Out of the 500 or so who have replied, 84 per cent said they would consider it, not surprising as they were visitors to a site that encourages and assists them to plan their or their loved ones’ funerals.
If they looked at some of the advice we give, they could find significant ways of reducing the funeral costs.
These include buying the coffin direct from the manufacturer; reducing the amount of service and time provided by the funeral director; cutting back on flowers; refusing to be embalmed and planning more diligently things like transport and the catering at the gathering.
To help people be better informed and therefore more likely to save money, and indeed get a better funeral, we have provided a funeral planning checklist of decisions that need to be taken (or not) with the funeral director.
Costs will only come down if a radical new approach to funerals is adopted, starting with addressing one’s mortality and ending with a detailed plan for the send off that gives the best value for money and the best farewell ceremony.
There are signs that things are changing…the recent Joy Of Death weekend was well attended; the BBC2 programme Dead Good Job features the funeral industry and the Dying Matters coalition continues to grow and give excellent advice.
However, we are unlikely to see major changes for some time yet…a funeral is still a panic purchase for most people, and too many funeral directors know that such customers are unlikely to say no to the expensive options put before them.
There are honourable exceptions, those driven more by principle and tradition than bottom line targets. My Last Song would like to hear from them so we can bring them to the attention of our visitors.

The Good Funeral awards ceremony was excellent for several reasons and puzzling for one.

First, Brian Jenner and Charles Cowling put a huge amount of effort into organising such an interesting and enjoyable Friday evening – and indeed Brian should be praised for the Joy of Death events that filled the weekend.

Second, the venue – Bournemouth’s Green House Hotel – provided excellent food and service.

Third, Sharp Jack Media, a TV production company, was filming the event for a programme commissioned by Sky TV – which means more valuable coverage for those in the less than ratings friendly funeral business.

Fourth, the witty and self-deprecating compering by Charles Cowling who should consider becoming a stand up should he tire of publishing the Good Funeral Guide and leading the ‘funeral progressives’ movement.

Fifth, the large attendance of people from the broad church – an inappropriate metaphor – that was two years ago called farewell innovators but which could be described as funeral progressives. There is probably a better collective term for the diverse group wanting to provide an end of life service/information/resource that is a significant improvement on the current drab and dreary offering.

The one puzzling issue for this attendee (My Last Song was nominated for the Best internet bereavement resource) was the award for Embalmer of the Year.  My source for information on green funerals is Julia Hailes, author of the Green Consumer Guide, who states that embalming the body with formaldehyde is particularly damaging to the environment.

I was therefore a tad surprised to see Best Embalmer as an award category (I have nothing against embalmers – I sent much time talking to the charming nominee Julie-Anne Lowe and her family who had come from Liverpool to attend).

My puzzlement was made more complete because other attendees were right in the green burial space, for example Jan Hall from the Natural Death Centre and Claire and Rupert Callender from the Green Funeral Company.

I’m all for accepting as many people as possible into the funeral progressives’ tent, but are embalmers progressive? Maybe some are but they weren’t allowed to display any progressive credentials to those attending the ceremony.

It was good to get an email from Hannah Peterson, a fan of My Last Song from the US, which showed that the move to get a better deal from the funeral industry is as active there as it is here in the UK.

She works for an online company that provides life insurance quotes, and she drew my attention to a piece they have on their website, 8 Ways Funeral Homes Will Try To Rip You Off.

I like it because of the humour: “While funeral homes may stop short of asking you if you want fries with your casket, they may try to convince you to add on products and services you simply don’t need.”

It also warns of what I hope is a practice not used here, which is that funeral homes (UK English: Funeral Directors) employ ‘grief counsellors’ who call the bereaved family and try to upsell, or as they put it: “a salesperson trying to guilt-trip you into upgrading to a $5,000 coffin.”

The way not to get ripped off is to be better informed, which is why Hannah and her colleagues have written such a useful and engaging piece.

It is why here in the UK  Charles Cowling, publisher of the Good Funeral Guide, should be supported and congratulated. The funeral directors he recommends are those like Poppy Mardall, who are moving away from what Charles calls the ‘hush-and-awe’ approach, to be more modern, transparent and flexible.

What a contrast to the Co-operative Funeralcare’s venal approach exposed earlier this year.

I’ve got a lot of time for Poppy Mardell, who runs Poppy’s Funerals: The Modern Funeral Company.

Her business is recommended by the Good Funeral Guide and the Natural Death Centre and they don’t give out their recommendations lightly.

Poppy wrote a particularly interesting piece in Huffington Post, Funerals: Why Do We Spend So Much? She answered the question in these words:

“The reason we blow money on funerals… is a mixture of the unstoppable pain we feel after a death, mixed with our complete inexperience of arranging a funeral, with a drop of terror at finding ourselves in an undertaker’s shop decked out in the style of Oliver Twist. We will go along with anything they suggest. Which is insane. Because whilst undertakers are often lovely people…they are running a business and they need to pay for the costs of the fleet of hearses, the chapels of rest, the embalmer’s salary. So they’re going to encourage you to buy the whole package.”

She is absolutely right, and it’s been clear to me for a long time that people pay too much for funerals because they are uninformed customers making what is usually a panic purchase.

There is also another reason, and that is the family dynamics, or psychology. Which family member is going to say: “Do we really need to spend so much on mother’s funeral?” Who would risk the recrimination of wanting to save money on the funeral, or the shame of the implicit lack of money to pay for it?

My Last Song was created to inform people of the choices they had, to encourage people to plan ahead, thereby turning our visitors into informed customers of the funeral trade and able to make a more rational rather than panic purchase.

We also knew of the problems of ensuring that funeral wishes – let’s say wanting a green funeral, or a humanist celebration of life, or having a message read or played to the gathering –  were recorded and fulfilled.

That’s why we spent a lot of time, and money, creating a digital Lifebox in which funeral wishes can be stored securely, available only to close family members. The Lifebox does more than store your funeral wishes, it helps you record everythin that was important about your life that you want future generations to know about you…a sort of digital immortality.

Use your Lifebox properly and not only will your funeral be remembered for the right reasons, but your life as well. It’s the least you can do for your family.

The death today of John Barry, the British filmscore composer, prompted me to select five Barry pieces suitable to be sent off to.

Just ten seconds of a John Barry score could tell you all you needed to know about the movie. The melodies and arrangements added excitement, atmosphere, mystery and interest to every film he wrote for.

Such was his ability to create aural moods and sound pictures that at times listening was more enjoyable than watching.

Commenting on his death, British film composer David Arnold said that James Bond wouldn’t have been half as cool without John Barry holding his hand, as good an epitaph as you can get.

I already had a couple of favourites, Goldfinger and Born Free. In 1964 I was a country boy visiting relatives in London when they took me to see Goldfinger in a huge and glamourous cinema. The introduction music and graphics made me tingle. It summoned up the swinging 60s and I still recall it vividly.

Born Free? Well, a lovely piece of music to go with a marvellous film. John Barry’s score suited the script so well.

But choosing the other three pieces was incredibily difficult because he had written so many wonderfully evocative, haunting, thrilling melodies, each with an emotional appeal that would be suitable for the farewell event.

You will have to go to the article to see which three selections made up the five, and I hope you think they are good choices. I’m tempted to reallocate my time this week to listen to more of his filmscores, certain that I’ll hear melodies and arrangements that will fill me with joy and pleasure.

Paradoxical then that John Barry’s death confirmed to me the wonderful variety of music from all genres from which farewell pieces can be selected.

So, don’t put up with the limited and clichéd choices put in front of you by funeral directors, funeral planners and well meaning relatives.

Let your soul and imagination soar…recall the music that changed your life…spend time going through the My Last Song music pages…and whatever you do, make sure you go out on the right note.

It may seem unlikely but the best two funeral websites in the world are run by UK companies.

A top ten list was compiled earlier this month by US funeral guru Brian Burkhardt. And heading the chart was London based My Last Song followed by The Good Funeral Guide, run out of Birmingham.

The other places were taken by US websites.

I was surprised that My Last Song had been awarded the number one slot.

In the past two years there’s been a big increase in the number of funeral websites. They are particularly popular in the US, so for My Last Song to be chosen as the best in the world by an American funeral expert is quite an honour.

Charles Cowling, who started his website in 2009 to promote his book The Good Funeral Guide, is equally pleased. “There’s a lot of global ideas-swapping around the topic of funeral customs and how they are evolving, especially in the English speaking world. This is a flattering accolade.”

What is it about funeral information that makes it so web-friendly?

First is that while people are reluctant to talk to their friends and family about their mortality and the funeral they want, a website is emotionally neutral and gives positive advice. It’s not going to cry or ask to be left money.

Second, the huge increase in ‘silver surfers’ means that more older people are accessing the internet to find relevant information.

Third is type of information being offered by websites that appeal to the ageing baby boomers.  Fifty years ago this group redefined youth culture. Now they are challenging funeral traditions. They want funerals that match their lifestyles, their beliefs, their achievements and their interests and websites like My Last Song give them the information, for instance music choices, they like.

As Charles Cowling emphasises, “This demographic is simply not going to accept a dreary traditional ‘cut and paste’ farewell event to mark their lives. They will want colourful, celebratory and upbeat funerals.” And funeral websites are meeting their needs.

Funeral planning and advice might be a niche market, but the demographics suggest it will be very big in a few years time.

I was convinced My Last Song would be a success when I analysed the population figures. “According to the Office of National Statistics, there will be almost 7 million people aged 70 and over in 2015 in England alone.  In 2020 this rises to 8 million.

The other interesting statistic is that there were less than half a million deaths registered in the UK in 2009 and that between 1999 and 2009, death rates fell by more than a quarter. So people are living longer which means they will be our customers for longer, visiting the websites more often, buying funeral plans, writing and editing their wills, wanting more information about age related illnesses, care options, and how to enjoy a longer and more active older age.

My Last Song has in-depth advice on all these issues, and expects to monetise the website within two or three years with affiliate agreements, sponsored pages and click throughs to companies wanting to reach this demographic.

I’m also planning to launch a US version of the site in 2012 and now looking for collaborators across the Atlantic.

There are more people in the US, they spend more per head on their funerals and they love music, which is an important driver for visitors to My Last Song.

Cowling’s business model is more simple. He uses his website as a first port of call for anyone needing to plan a funeral and find a good funeral director. It also carries updates to his book.

He has a listing of outstanding funeral directors UK-wide to which he is constantly adding.  “People increasingly want unique funerals for unique

The Good Funeral Guide website also carries a lively and provocative blog which enjoys a world-wide readership.

There are lots of jokes about the funeral business being a dying industry, but for these two UK companies, there’s a lot to look forward to.

Co-operative Funeralcare’s use of an industry trends survey to place the brand as ‘thought leader’ in their industry is a well worn marketing device.

But the survey doesn’t tell us anything we don’t know, and in reality highlights the Co-op’s attempt to catch up.  In short the survey of 2000 people and 850 of its funeral companies confirms that more people now want a celebration of their life, colourful events, secular songs, bespoke coffins, green funerals and personal input from mourners.

The Co-op have involved the country’s leading funeral historian, Dr Julian Litten, to opine that the funerals of Princess Diana and Jade Goody have changed the public’s view of how funerals can be delivered.

I think Dr Litten is wrong about this.  The British public can decide for themselves that a religious ritual isn’t appropriate for someone who had no religious beliefs and that as paying customers they will have the send off they want rather than a ‘choose one from three options’ offered by many funeral directors.

Similarly, there wasn’t much that was environmentally friendly about Princess Di’s and Jade Goody’s funerals, yet the demand for green funerals has risen hugely in the last 15 years as people become more concerned about the environmentally damaging aspects of traditional funerals.

No, organisations like the Co-operative Funeralcare have been slow to understand the change in demand whereas innovators such as My Last Song, One Life ceremonies, the green burial movement, suppliers of bespoke coffins and authors of guides such as The Good Funeral Guide have understood the requirements of the now ageing baby boomers and are meeting their needs.

The number of humanist officiants is increasing to meet the demands of atheists for humanist funerals, and I would like to commend the effort put in by one in particular, Simon Allen, who’s contribution to My Last Song has been invaluable.

The funeral industry is on the verge of a big change in how it operates, and this change is driven by consumer demand. Funeral directors are, inevitably, traditional and slow to change although there are notable exceptions.

But they must recognise that many new customers will be from the generation who, when in their teens redefined youth culture. During the next years of their lives they expected to get what they wanted and that’s going to be true for how their end of life (or their older relatives)  is treated.

The one statistic that is still disappointing if not surprising is that 55 per cent of respondents hadn’t discussed their funerals with family and friends.  Death and funerals are still taboo subjects, but the trend I suspect is for this to be reducing, helped by the growing number of online sources of support and information.

I will again plug the Lifebox facility of My Last Song which encourages and enables people to plan their own bespoke funeral event and store those plans and wishes safely for their loved ones to access.  In practice filling in the funeral wishes checklist and the individual death plan will mean discussing the options with close family members.

When death and funerals are more commonly discussed, the numbers of celebratory, colourful and individual ceremonies requested will increase…whether the larger traditional funeral companies are well placed to deliver them efficiently is questionable.

It’s great news that two UK based websites My Last Song and The Good Funeral Guide have been selected as the world’s top funeral websites by US guru Brian Burkhardt, also known as ‘YourFuneralGuy’.

I must say I was surprised when Google Alerts, true to its name, alerted me to the fact that My Last Song was the number one funeral website slot.

In the past two years there’s been a big increase in the number of funeral and bereavement websites and blogs, particularly in the US, so for My Last Song to be chosen as the best funeral website in the world by an American funeral expert is quite an honour.

Second placed website, The Good Funeral Guide, was started in 2009 by Charles Cowling, author of the Guide.

Charles, who is at the centre of the new-era funeral blogging and tweeting community, confirms the growing trend for online funeral information. “There’s a lot of global ideas-swapping around the topic of evolving funeral customs, especially in the English speaking world.”

It seems likely that the growing interest in end of life websites is because the baby boomer generation is now facing their mortality. As Charles puts it: “These are the people who reinvented youth culture. Just watch them reinvent death culture.”

This generation will want their funerals to reflect their views and lifestyles instead of the often dreary traditional event, built around a religious ritual out of place in an increasingly secular 21st century.

Another reason for the increased use of funeral planning and funeral information websites is the desire to save money.

Funeral costs are rising fast, and the customer is often getting a bad deal because the funeral industry knows they are dealing with people unable or unwilling to discuss money when organising a loved one’s funeral.

As Charles Cowling says, “There are many ways of saving money when planning a funeral and negotiating with the funeral directors. The Good Funeral Guide and My Last Song have lots of advice on how to save money and also have a better, more appropriate funeral.”

A number of organisations wanting to change how funerals are handled have formed a loose alliance called the Farewell Innovators. These include a photographer specialising in funeral photography and a company producing bespoke memorial books of photographs.

Also involved are those who offer eco-friendly funerals and a more personal, often more celebratory approach, to the final goodbye.

All use the new technology so I hope that next year, these new companies feature in lists of the top websites.

Earlier this week I visited one of the big funeral companies to discuss a possible advertising deal on My Last Song.

The funeral planning advice articles on the website are increasingly popular and thus valuable to a company with a lot of funeral businesses around the country.

The discussion got off to a good start and my proposal seemed to be acceptable.

And then the managing director showed me the print off of the article called Cutting Funeral Costs.

“If we advertise on your website you’ll have to take off this page,” he said.

“Why?” I asked, knowing the answer.

“Because it means my companies won’t be making as much money. I don’t want families to pay less for a funeral.”

In fairness, he said that he didn’t have targets for his funeral businesses and his funeral directors were told not to force up the price the families wanted to pay.

He said advice on costs was discussed with the family, to ensure that “mum had the funeral they would want her to have…”

He didn’t think visitors to My Last Song needed to know how they could reduce the costs of the funeral so the deal would only be done if the advice was removed.

I thanked him for seeing me and caught the next train back to London.

The company, which has a large market share, should be aware that the industry will change radically in the next few years.  Customers will be better informed and new businesses will challenge the established way of selling funeral services.

Take coffins. Eco-friendly materials are becoming increasingly popular, and while funeral directors are making these choices available, companies such as Greenfield Creations in Essex and The Coffin Company soon to launch in the north east, sell direct to customers wanting cheaper and more sustainable coffins.

And flowers. Funeral flowers are extremely expensive and also bad for the environment as they require heat and artificial light. Yes, the tradition of marking a death with flowers goes back thousands of years but that doesn’t mean a family in the 21st century shouldn’t want to save on this part of the funeral package, or instead donate the money to a good cause.

I appreciate the point made by the managing director that a family ‘at grief’ need a sympathetic service rather than a ‘we can do a great cut price job for your mum’ approach.

But what is unacceptable is his view that the customer should not be given the information to be a more informed client before the ‘at need’ engagement with the funeral director.

Only in a business as ‘traditional’ as the funeral business could such an unfair approach to the customer be defended in 2010.

With more businesses and organisations wanting to change how we deal with death, dying and funerals, this approach won’t last much longer, I hope.