My thanks to Gail Rubin, author of The Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning For Those Who Don’t Plan to Die, and the Family Plot blog for bringing to my attention Before Their Time, an inspirational organisation in the USA.

Before Their Time is a musical resource, a series of CDs, dedicated to the memory of people who died young to help loved ones recover from the emotional trauma and extended grief that follows a premature death.

The variety of music included in Before Their Time appeals to a broad audience, and although people will be familiar with some of the songs and performers, many will be new to most listeners. Executive Producer Michael Whitman hopes that listeners will discover a universality in the songs’ messages, and that these memorial songs, about the spirit of life as well as the poignancy of loss, will be remembered for their beauty even more than for the grief they express.

Besides offering musical comfort, this project raises money and visibility for organisations helping individuals and families going through end-of-life experiences with revenue from sales going to hospice and suicide prevention programmes in the US.

We wish it well, and hope that visitors to My Last Song and readers of this blog purchase some or all of these powerful, moving and beautiful pieces of music.

The death today of John Barry, the British filmscore composer, prompted me to select five Barry pieces suitable to be sent off to.

Just ten seconds of a John Barry score could tell you all you needed to know about the movie. The melodies and arrangements added excitement, atmosphere, mystery and interest to every film he wrote for.

Such was his ability to create aural moods and sound pictures that at times listening was more enjoyable than watching.

Commenting on his death, British film composer David Arnold said that James Bond wouldn’t have been half as cool without John Barry holding his hand, as good an epitaph as you can get.

I already had a couple of favourites, Goldfinger and Born Free. In 1964 I was a country boy visiting relatives in London when they took me to see Goldfinger in a huge and glamourous cinema. The introduction music and graphics made me tingle. It summoned up the swinging 60s and I still recall it vividly.

Born Free? Well, a lovely piece of music to go with a marvellous film. John Barry’s score suited the script so well.

But choosing the other three pieces was incredibily difficult because he had written so many wonderfully evocative, haunting, thrilling melodies, each with an emotional appeal that would be suitable for the farewell event.

You will have to go to the article to see which three selections made up the five, and I hope you think they are good choices. I’m tempted to reallocate my time this week to listen to more of his filmscores, certain that I’ll hear melodies and arrangements that will fill me with joy and pleasure.

Paradoxical then that John Barry’s death confirmed to me the wonderful variety of music from all genres from which farewell pieces can be selected.

So, don’t put up with the limited and clichéd choices put in front of you by funeral directors, funeral planners and well meaning relatives.

Let your soul and imagination soar…recall the music that changed your life…spend time going through the My Last Song music pages…and whatever you do, make sure you go out on the right note.

Social networking is a great thing.  Thanks to social networker extrordinaire Charles Cowling, I came across lots of US websites and blogs that occupy the funeral, mourning and end of life space.

I got in touch to bring My Last Song to their attention and before long, YourFuneralGuy, had put My Last Song at the top of the list of funeral websites for 2010, with The Good Funeral Guide, author Charles Cowling, ‘in at number two’.

Someone then commented that My Last Song was the best funeral website in the world because it had the facility for people to put their wishes in the Lifebox for loved ones to fulfil (though I can’t find this comment).

Another US fellow traveller is Gail Rubin, whose Family Plot blog is excellent, as is the Modern Mourner, the website of Shirley Tatum.

Shirley has sent My Last Song her five favourite farewell tracks, and splendid songs for a funeral they are too.

There is no doubting that funeral music is of great interest…many visitors to My Last Song look for funeral hymns, secular funeral music, advice on classical music suitable for funerals and the five farewell tracks that now more than 70 people have contributed.

There is also no doubt that websites that advise people on how to get good value from their funeral director (or funeral  home as they’re called in the US), how to have the most appropriate send off, how to address their final days and then how to come to terms with the loss will get more and more traffic as the populations of the UK and the US get older.

The people within this demographic, 60 onwards, will also be increasingly those who are from the baby boomer generation, defined by the US Census Bureau as born between 1946 and 1964. These are people who will redefine aging and the end of life experience as they redefined youth culture back in the 60′s.

They are internet savvy. They use social media. They get information from websites.  Many will want to leave this world in a style that is unique and celebratory.

In the UK, a number of organisations who cater for this market have grouped together under the title of Farewell Innovators. A Facebook page has been created and a first meeting is being organised.

I would expect a similar informal association to exist, or to be set up fairly soon, in the US, and then for the farewell innovators both sides of the Atlantic to swap notes, opinions and be mutually supportive.

There’s a lot of people out there who need what we are offering them…the understanding that death is part of life, that it should be planned for, that as we are unique in life so our partings should acknowledge and celebrate our individuality, and that our parting, while a sad and mournful experience for our loved ones, should enable them to continue with their lives stronger in the knowledge that we have had the ending we wished for.

And I hope that includes playing their last songs, music that is meaningful and memorable.

Among the favourite five farewell songs sent in by a visitor to My Last Song was the Tom Waits version of Somewhere, from West Side Story.

It made me think of just how suitable some of the numbers from the great musicals would be as funeral songs, so I asked a friend of mine who is a lover of musicals to come up with a list, and what great songs she selected.

I encourage those who are interested in the My Last Song mission of ensuring the right music is played at the end to go through the list. There are 23 in all and while there’s not enough space in this blog to comment on all of them, I want to describe what might be called the show stoppers.

And if you think I’ve not highlighted the right songs, or that there are some great musical tracks missing, please let me know.

Third on the list after Somewhere and the rightly popular You’ll Never Walk Alone is the less well known but equally appropriate If Ever I Would Leave You, from Camelot.  This is a beautiful song, with a lovely, haunting melody and the most poignant of lyrics. Lancelot is saying that it is inconceiveable that he would ever leave Guenevere.  And suitable for a farewell because the message is that love goes on forever.

Contrast this with the next track, The Party’s Over, from Bells Are Ringing. This describes the wistful, almost cold,  acceptance that the affair is over, “it’s time to call it a day.”  While it lasted it was fun, but in the cold light of morning, “the candles flicker and dim.” A more realistic though less positive view of life after a loved one has passed.

Similarly bleak is Who Can I Turn To, which featured in Roar of the Greasepaint, Smell of the Crowd. This is about the stark fear of  impending loneliness: ‘With no star to guide me and no one beside me, I’ll go my way and after the day, the darkness will hide me…maybe tomorrow I’ll find what I’m after…’  Many will understand the pathos of that lyric.

Another poignantly sad love song featured in the list is This Nearly Was Mine, a Rogers and Hammerstein classic from South Pacific. The lyric tells of the idealistic love Emile thought he would share with Nellie, but snatched away because she could not accept he had fathered children by a Pacific Islander. The melody is mesmerisingly beautiful, and the combination makes the hairs stand on end. I can see this becoming a popular and affecting farewell song.

Another standout from the list is I Have Dreamed, from the King and I. A similarly powerful combination of sentimental lyric and memorable melody, the interest here is the ambiguity. Did the love which in this song is dreamt about, ever really exist?  In the future, will the love only be in dreams because a loved one has parted?

Less ambiguous are Thank You For The Music, from Mama Mia, It’s Raining In My Heart, from Buddy and Noone But You (Only The Good Die Young) from We Will Rock You. But for fans of Abba, Buddy Holly and Queen these songs have a special message, and that’s the point.

The Lloyd Weber numbers, Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again, Think of Me and No Matter What all have suitable lyrics for the final call, and the first two have powerful melodies and arrangements that will stir the emotions.  No Matter What wouldn’t have been my choice, but I can see why others might choose it.

Anyway, have a listen, and bear these wonderful tracks in mind when choosing last songs, advising on last songs, or just wanting to listen to some of the finest numbers that have graced the stage and screen.

When the final curtain closes, they may well be show stoppers. They will certainly be tear jerkers.

There’s a strange absence of certain popular music genres in the lists of fave five farewell songs currently displayed on My Last Song.

These are Ska, two-tone and goth music. The latter is particularly curious, as Goths and funerals seem to be to go together…all that black clothing and elaborate ritual stuff.

I’m always impressed with the Goth ‘look’  and a bit curious about what a Goth lifestyle must be like.  I had assumed there would be many Goth songs that would be in people’s fave five farewell lists, but no. So, if any Goths read this, please put this right and submit your choices.

As for ska and two-tone, again I thought that some of the original fans of these genres who are now getting on a bit might want to submit the five songs they want to be remembered by, or played at their farewell events/celebratory parties.

So come on rude boys and girls, think of your favourite ska and two-tone tracks and send them in.