Among the favourite five farewell songs sent in by a visitor to My Last Song was the Tom Waits version of Somewhere, from West Side Story.

It made me think of just how suitable some of the numbers from the great musicals would be as funeral songs, so I asked a friend of mine who is a lover of musicals to come up with a list, and what great songs she selected.

I encourage those who are interested in the My Last Song mission of ensuring the right music is played at the end to go through the list. There are 23 in all and while there’s not enough space in this blog to comment on all of them, I want to describe what might be called the show stoppers.

And if you think I’ve not highlighted the right songs, or that there are some great musical tracks missing, please let me know.

Third on the list after Somewhere and the rightly popular You’ll Never Walk Alone is the less well known but equally appropriate If Ever I Would Leave You, from Camelot.  This is a beautiful song, with a lovely, haunting melody and the most poignant of lyrics. Lancelot is saying that it is inconceiveable that he would ever leave Guenevere.  And suitable for a farewell because the message is that love goes on forever.

Contrast this with the next track, The Party’s Over, from Bells Are Ringing. This describes the wistful, almost cold,  acceptance that the affair is over, “it’s time to call it a day.”  While it lasted it was fun, but in the cold light of morning, “the candles flicker and dim.” A more realistic though less positive view of life after a loved one has passed.

Similarly bleak is Who Can I Turn To, which featured in Roar of the Greasepaint, Smell of the Crowd. This is about the stark fear of  impending loneliness: ‘With no star to guide me and no one beside me, I’ll go my way and after the day, the darkness will hide me…maybe tomorrow I’ll find what I’m after…’  Many will understand the pathos of that lyric.

Another poignantly sad love song featured in the list is This Nearly Was Mine, a Rogers and Hammerstein classic from South Pacific. The lyric tells of the idealistic love Emile thought he would share with Nellie, but snatched away because she could not accept he had fathered children by a Pacific Islander. The melody is mesmerisingly beautiful, and the combination makes the hairs stand on end. I can see this becoming a popular and affecting farewell song.

Another standout from the list is I Have Dreamed, from the King and I. A similarly powerful combination of sentimental lyric and memorable melody, the interest here is the ambiguity. Did the love which in this song is dreamt about, ever really exist?  In the future, will the love only be in dreams because a loved one has parted?

Less ambiguous are Thank You For The Music, from Mama Mia, It’s Raining In My Heart, from Buddy and Noone But You (Only The Good Die Young) from We Will Rock You. But for fans of Abba, Buddy Holly and Queen these songs have a special message, and that’s the point.

The Lloyd Weber numbers, Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again, Think of Me and No Matter What all have suitable lyrics for the final call, and the first two have powerful melodies and arrangements that will stir the emotions.  No Matter What wouldn’t have been my choice, but I can see why others might choose it.

Anyway, have a listen, and bear these wonderful tracks in mind when choosing last songs, advising on last songs, or just wanting to listen to some of the finest numbers that have graced the stage and screen.

When the final curtain closes, they may well be show stoppers. They will certainly be tear jerkers.

I was interested in a piece called ‘It’s Your Funeral’ on the Irish Times’ website. An article I wrote on funeral planning in My Last Song is called ‘It’s Your Funeral‘ so if imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, I’m flattered.

The journalist did a great job in compiling within one piece some of the changes taking place in the Farewell Innovators‘ space in Ireland.

It gives details of a humanist funeral celebrant, fairly rare I would have thought in Ireland, and also covers the country’s first natural burial ground.

Most importantly the article states:  ’The best way to ensure you get the funeral you want is to make your wishes known.’

Here it stands four square with the My Last Song approach.  We believe that not only should you want your funeral to be appropriate to your lifestyle and personality, but you should make sure your funeral wishes are known.

Which is why My Last Song provides visitors with a Lifebox in which to store their funeral wishes and the funeral arrangement details so that their close family or executor can access them when the Lifebox owners are about to die or have just died.

My congratulations to the journalist who did such a good job in covering all bases – she even gives advance care directives and Enduring Power of Attorney into her piece – and the Irish Times for covering it. She also coins a phrase that might catch on…’deathstyle’, as short hand for making the funeral match the person’s lifestyle and personality.

When will a serious newspaper in Britain focus on the ever growing Funeral Innovators and the growing market we are servicing?

Quite some time, if the Daily Mail night editor has his way. I’ve  written informative pieces for the consumer editor only for him to tell me that while he likes the story, his editor doesn’t want to carry anything to do with death.

He’s doing his readers a disservice. Nobody, not even Daily Mail readers, lives forever.  Indeed Mail readers are closer to realising this than most, and are in danger every day of being frightened to death.

Oh, and the Irish Times journalist ends the piece: ‘Overall if you wish your death to reflect your life, the advice is to plan ahead and make your wishes known.’

Author Sarah Dunant contributed last week’s A Point of View on BBC Radio 4.   As I listened to it, I wondered if she had been reading my blogs or had got hold of a My Last Song press release as her point of view is remarkably, and encouragingly, similar to the thesis first articulated by Charles Cowling and myself earlier this year.

Our view comes from our experiences of officiating (Charles’s experiences, not mine) and attending the rapidly increasing funerals which are unique, personal and positive celebrations of life, and my conviction that it is a sham for a person who had few if any religious beliefs in his or her life to be given a religious funeral at which the readings, prayers and hymns have little or no meaning, either in defining the life being celebrated or to the gathered friends and family.

Where Sarah Dunant’s point of view became most interesting was when she said: “Because having got everything that we wanted in life, baby boomers, more than any other generation, are uniquely qualified to address the biggest taboo of all – death… an increasing number of us want to choose when and how we go.”

When discussing  the baby boomers’ funeral final rite she suggests a generational anthem and thought the Sid Vicious version of My Way was suitable.  I see where she’s coming from but think better advice would have been that we choose the songs that mean the most to us as our last songs.

Which is, of course, why I started My Last Song.

Two other encouraging pieces of news today. The first is that the left of centre think tank DEMOS is about to publish a report entitled How Britain Dies. The other is the announcement that the Government is planning to make it easier to allow people to die where they wish, which is normally at home with their loved ones present rather than in impersonal and often lonely hospital wards.

This reinforces the My Last Song view that the very old and terminally ill should be encouraged to write their own death plans, as this will inevitably mean discussing the issues with their family and health professionals and thus reduce the fear of the unknown  and lessen the taboo that still surrounds the subject of our mortality.

A lot is happening in the little niche that we’re calling Farewell Innovations….if you look at the 10 million or so people now over 65 maybe it’s not so little.

The phrase ‘Farewell innovators’ was, I think, first used by Louise Harris of Sentiment a few days ago.

Having kindly praised My Last Song, she went on to discuss the organisations that had moved into a niche market – that of helping people to deal with death, dying and bereavement.

Talk of  ’gaps in the market’ worries me as I recall an economist commenting on the demise of a specialist car maker whose founder said the company was filling a gap. The economist told journalists, “just because there’s a gap in the market doesn’t mean there’s a market in the gap.”

But a number of factors encourage me to believe that the ‘farewell’ market is there to be serviced. The first is the demographics of the UK.  The latest figures from the Office of National Statistics show there are over 10 million people in the UK aged 65 or over.

The second is the type of people these are…the more independent, free thinking baby boomers who are wanting their end of life experience to match their lifestyles and who are, slowly, reducing the taboo around death. They want a personal and honest farewell and are more likely to take charge of the process to get what they want.

It’s how they’ve led their lives, for better or worse, and they’re unlikely to stop just because they have reached old age. I get the impression that many are practicing when organising the funerals of their parents – they don’t want their mothers and fathers dispatched in a traditional and often rather anonymous ritual.

Third is the Government supported Dying Matters Coalition, of which My Last Song is a member.  It is encouraging doctors, palliative care providers and the general public to make ‘living and dying well’ the norm.

So, given the figures, there’s quite a gap in the market for those of us wanting to help people have the endings they want, to be remembered the right way and to be more in control of end of life decisions.

It’s being filled by companies I will name run by remarkably nice and slightly eccentric individuals that I won’t.

Civil Ceremonies, Sentiment, The Good Funeral Guide, Remember Me When I’m Gone, Much Loved, One Life Ceremonies, Heavens Above Fireworks, Lovingly Managed and the Natural Death Centre. Add to this the growing number of innovative funeral directors, humanist celebrants and interfaith ministers who spend a lot of time and trouble ensuring families and friends say a very personal goodbye to a parted loved one, and you can see a movement growing.

I would also add to this group the long established and excellent Dignity in Dying, which as well as campaigning for a change in the law on assisted dying, also encourage people to take out Advance Decisions to refuse treatment and be in control of their end of life medical treatment.

If we are to have a collective title, then I like ‘Farewell Innovators’.

Time is on our side, fellow innovators…it might be a struggle at the moment, but keep going because more and more people will be want what we offer.

I was fascinated by the story that Robbie Williams had written a requiem to be played at his funeral because he didn’t want Angels to mark his passing.  And very resassured because Robbie, without knowing it, has validated the My Last Song concept.

Robbie is looking very healthy…married life seems to be suiting him. But he’s got the sense to know he’s not going to live forever, and probably wouldn’t want to.

That’s why he’s planning ahead so that his funeral is the ending he wants.  In particular, what the music says about him…which is at the core of what My Last Song does – encourages people to choose the most appropriate music to be played at their final event, rather than often meaningless hymns if they aren’t religious, or clichéd secular songs selected by their families.

And while Angels is a lovely song, chosen by very many people to be played at their funerals, Robbie Williams believes he can do far better and has written a requiem, “all on my own, without any help.”  He doesn’t want people forever thinking of him as “the clown from that boy band,” and so he has composed Mass For The Dead.

I hope he records and releases it so that people can appreciate his musical talent as expressed in this composition and then, if suitable, choose songs from it to be played at their funeral.

I think more people should consider writing their own elegies so that the gathered friends and family can appreciate the message and, in some cases, the unexpected or unknown talent.

Music alone has that quality where the lyric and melody can express and share emotion, whether it be sadness, love, power, happiness, tenderness, aggression or whatever the composer seeks to convey. That is why music is such a wonderful form of art.

So, I hope more people will follow Robbie’s example and plan for their funeral well in advance. They should in particular select the music that they want to be remembered by, and if they feel able, create that music themselves.

And then, to avoid their wishes and compositions getting lost or ignored, store them in their Lifebox and ensure a loved one accesses it after they have passed so their plans can be incorporated into the funeral arrangements.

As a footnote to the above, I have added Aretha Franklin’s Angel to a long list of music I want played at my wake, along with My Last Song I Sing for You which my friend Raphael Oyelade sings so well here.

A poll carried out by My Last Song has shown a potentially huge demand for woodland burials in the years ahead.

The poll asked visitors to the website to choose what they wanted to happen to their bodies when they died.  Woodland burial received 35 per cent of the votes with cremation second, receiving 30 per cent. The poll took place in September and there were 205 votes.

Currently 74 per cent of funerals are cremations with woodland burials accounting for six per cent.

Rosie Inman-Cook who runs the Association of Natural Burial Grounds says the poll confirms the rapid rise in the popularity of woodland burials.

“While it will be many years before 35 per cent of funerals are woodland burials, natural burial sites are experiencing a 30 per cent year on year increase in the number of people being buried in their sites.

“The increased demand is reflected by the increase in natural burial sites. The first natural burial site opened in Cumbria in 1993. The number today is almost 240.

“This should meet the demand for the foreseeable future.”

Environmentalists will be pleased with the support the poll shows for eco-friendly funerals and the decrease in those wanting to be cremated.

Julia Hailes, leading environmentalist and author of The New Green Consumer Guide, is not enthusiastic about cremation.

“Burning our dead – along with their coffins – not only creates toxic pollution but has significant impact on climate change too.  The energy consumed in cremating one body is the equivalent to 23 litres of oil.  I’d like a shallow burial in a well run woodland site, so that my body turns to nutrients as fast as possible”

The poll also gave the option of cemetery or church burial using eco-friendly coffins which 11 per cent voted for. Put the two together and 46 per cent of people want their funerals to be environmentally friendly.

These results demonstrate that when people consider their own funerals they are more likely to consider the environmental impact.

But the demand for woodland burials will not be as great as the survey suggests because most people don’t plan their own funeral arrangements. As a consequence, when they die their families are likely to opt for the cheapest or most conventional funeral – cremation.

And that’s why many people attracted by the idea of a woodland burial because it is eco-friendly will probably end up cremated, a  paradox that highlights the importance of planning the funeral you want and ensuring your funeral wishes are known.

It is why we encourage people to discuss, write and store their funeral wishes within a safe Lifebox which their closest family can access when they die and give them the funeral they want.

Ten per cent of people who voted chose to leave the funeral arrangements to their families.  For those of us who’ve witnessed the distress, division and panic when a grieving and shocked family is left to make decisions about the type and cost of a funeral, the ‘I don’t care’ approach is callous.

There’s no excuse for thinking that your ending is someone else’s responsibility.

I’m grateful to longtime friend and songster Gordon Griffiths for bringing these contrasting funerals to my attention.

From the Croydon Advertiser 13 August, 2010:

“It is always very sad when no-body attends a funeral,” said a spokesman for Rowland Brothers, undertakers.

“In this case, the 43 year-old man from Addiscombe who we buried on Monday had changed his name by deed poll to Luke Skywalker.

“The case was passed to us by Croydon Council, and we attempted to contact his family and friends.  But he didn’t seem to have any close friends locally, and because the deed poll office are not allowed to give out a person’s former name or personal details, we couldn’t track down his next of kin or relations. We did our best, but the result was a tragically lonely funeral for Luke Skywalker.”

From the Romsey Advertiser’s website 16 September, 2010:

Funeral was a celebration of Jane’s spirit

“Jane Scoones’ coffin was carried out of East Tytherley church to the sound of Spirit in the Sky by Norman Greenbaum and a huge round of applause from the 400 people who attended her funeral.

“It was exactly how Jane had planned her final exit and was the perfect conclusion to a service that was a celebration of her remarkable life, filled with heart-felt tributes from family and friends, including Precious Moments, a song that was written for her by her husband, Rob and sung by her daughter, Caroline.

“Those attending Friday’s funeral were simply asked to remember Jane with happiness rather than tears and sadness and to think of the joy she brought to life rather than the tragedy of her loss.

“Jane’s battle with cancer ended on August 28, at the age of 55.”

Jane Sconnes had the funeral she wanted. She planned it meticulously. She didn’t want tears, she wanted happiness. She wanted people to look back on the good things she had done in her life.

I think that there are thousands of people out there who’s lives are also special…indeed, aren’t all our lives special. And our end of life event should also be special. By being unique, the funeral is a much more satisfying and comforting event for the loved ones, for they will feel more positive.

Jane’s approach to her funeral and the event itself  is a validation of the My Last Song purpose. A good life deserves a good ending!

And if people use My Last Song to plan the ending they (or their loved ones) deserve, and keep those plans safe in their Lifebox, then so much the better.

It’s Older People’s Day and this year’s theme is ‘getting and staying active in later life’.

Here at My Last Song, this is music to our ears! (no more silly jokes – ed).

Early on in the life of My Last Song we decided that we should include a section giving advice on health and fitness to an, er, older audience. I commissioned an experienced medical doctor to be the contributing editor and asked him to write articles on obvious subjects including:

• Staying healthier longer;
• Why you should exercise;
• How to keep fit; and
• Age related illness.

There are now over 30 advice articles within My Last Song on health and fitness subjects, and most encourage the reader to eat properly, exercise as much as possible and lead a healthy lifestyle in order to live longer, more active and happier lives.

In this section, there’s an article on sex and older people with tips on spicing up your sex life (careful – ed). In other articles, sex is encouraged as it is good exercise (that’s enough sex – ed).

The purpose of My Last Song is to encourage and support people to be responsible for their end of life issues, and for that ‘end of life’ period to be long, healthy and happy.

We know that unfortunately many older people this will not be the case, but we also believe that if you plan for a longer and healthier old age, it’s more likely to be achieved.

Part of the planning is putting your legal and financial affairs in order, arranging the funeral you want, making/updating your will and ensuring your memory lives on.

That is why My Last Song has a Lifebox for visitors to put this crucial information, which can be edited at any time, in a safe place where the contents can be accessed by the executor and close family when the fateful day comes.

The My Last Song Lifebox also provides a sort of digital immortality. Future family members will be able to read the life stories, achievements, interests, memories, even the secrets, of the Lifebox owner.

And if they read that the owner was active, creative, happy and healthy until a very old age, their admiration will be added to their affection. Especially if the Lifebox owner had a good sex life well into older age. (you’re fired! – ed).