Things have progressed and in the right direction. I have spoken at length to an officer within the education service at Lambeth, and he likes the IPHOS idea.

The idea is that children nominate an older and computer illiterate or unconfident family member who they will mentor to be more computer confident and competent through the medium of putting their life stories and family histories in their Lifeboxes within My Last Song.

This will enable more older people to go online with confidence, thus fulfilling one of the goals of Race Online 2012, of which My Last Song is a partner organisation.

Older people are obviously a target group, and if My Last Song can help more of them to understand the benefits of going online and have the ability to go online, then it’s a win win situation.

I also think one of the advantages will be the telling of family history by older relatives to their younger family members, and then the capturing of it within the Lifebox, secure for future generations to access to get an accurate insight into their departed loved one’s life and times.

Encouragingly, the Department for Education sent me a positive email wishing me success with the venture and crucially providing the names and contact details of Heads of Children’s Services in every local authority.

Meanwhile, I’m waiting to hear from my old school friend who is Cabinet member for Education, Children and Families at Barnet Council who was also enthusiastic about the proposal when I discussed it with him a few weeks ago.

So, it looks as if there could be two pilot projects in very different London boroughs launched in the autumn from which we can learn good practice before inviting schools throughout the country to participate.

Hopefully this will be in time for Race Online 2012’s Get Online Week, starting 18 October.

Well, I have to say how pleased I am with the publicity gained by the press release I wrote which gave the results and assessment of the first My Last Song poll.
It was about funeral music choices. The fact that the release included some pop song titles meant the Mirror covered it.
And the Telegraph stressed the demise of hymns, which is the more interesting point. The Telegraph’s website reprinted the press release virtually verbatim, for which I’m grateful.
The second poll, which went up on the site yesterday, is on funeral choices: burial, cremation, eco-friendly options, donating the body to medical research or leaving it up to your family.
It’s too early to spot any trends, though after a dozen or so votes cremation is ahead followed, I’m annoyed to relate, by leaving it to the family to decide.
My hope is that donating the body to medical research comes first, followed by the eco-friendly options as these will get journalists more interested than cremation and burial which isn’t news.
But, should you feel like going on to the home page of My Last Song and clicking on the Poll in the right hand column, don’t let me influence your vote, or that of the other people you will, I hope, pass this news on to. (Don’t end sentence with a preposition – ed).

Less than one in five people who voted in a poll on funeral music choices on My Last Song chose hymns to be played at their funerals.

The poll, carried out between 14 June and 16 August, asked people to vote on the type of music they wanted played at their funeral.

Thirty nine percent of the 150 voters chose modern secular while those who wanted a mixture of all categories accounted for 27 per cent. The full results are given later.

The poor showing of hymns confirms the trend towards funerals with a greater secular content.

My Last Song describes funerals which mix religious and secular elements as the Modern British Funeral.

It is more celebratory than grieving as family and friends give tributes to the loved one rather than listening to readings delivered by the minister.

Other features of the Modern British Funeral include informal dress codes, colourful eco-friendly coffins, greater accessibility to mourners of other faiths and interment in Woodland burial sites.

Modern British Funerals also include civil ceremonies held at local council buildings or other suitable non-religious locations. Civil celebrants are trained to officiate at funerals which mix secular and religious elements.

Once people face their own mortality, the more likely they are to want a Modern British Funeral. If they leave it to others, it is more likely they will have a traditional funeral that doesn’t reflect their views or lifestyle.

The choices, and number of votes, were:

Hymns: 27;

Modern secular (popular music from about the 1920s onwards): 59;

Classical secular (non-religious classical music): 11;

Classical religious (songs from requiems, Ave Maria, sacred classical music): 6;

A mix of these: 40;

Something else (poetry and non-musical readings): 7.

Visitors to My Last Song contribute their favourite five farewell songs. So far 48 people have contributed their five farewell songs. Only two people have asked for a hymn.

The most popular farewell songs that visitors have so far contributed are:

What A Wonderful World: Louis Armstrong

Heartbeats: José González

Here Comes the Sun: The Beatles

I Say A Little Prayer: Aretha Franklin

How Can You Mend A Broken Heart: Al Green

Je ne regrette rien: Edith Piaf

My Funny Valentine: Sarah Vaughan

Start Me Up: The Rolling Stones

My Last Song has made quite a hit on the south coast. I was interviewed this morning on BBC Radio Sussex following a piece in Sunday’s Observer in which I was quoted about ‘Beaching‘.

What you ask, is ‘Beaching’ in this context? It is the currently rare practice of families going to the shoreline and, at low tide, digging rows spelling out the name of their loved one and a message (a body makes about 200 cubic inches so spread thinly can fill several letters), and watching as the waves come in to wash the ashes gently into the sea.

The most interesting question the presenter asked was the attitude of the funeral industry to such radical changes in funeral practices. I made the point, as did a following interviewee – a Sussex based humanist officiant – that funeral directors are in business to provide a service to their clients.

I think it’s a point worth emphasising – in the last few years the funeral industry has modernised and most funeral directors want to give a bespoke service as much as offering a limited number of relatively inflexible options.

My Last Song encourages people to plan their own funerals and farewell events – wake and celebratory party – so that they are remembered as they want to be remembered. It has a Lifebox in which funeral wishes and other end of life information such as a copy of the will and letter of wishes can be safely stored until required by close family members and the executor.

Before making the funeral wishes, it is worthwhile to visit local funeral directors to discuss the options and costs, and to work out a pre-paid funeral plan that covers the send off you want. The funeral industry calls this sort of engagement, ‘pre-need’ as opposed to ‘at need’ which is when the grieving family ask for virtually instant funeral arrangements for a recently deceased loved one.

Like everything else, the more time and planning you put into something, the more successful it will be. So it is understandable that most funeral directors welcome ‘pre-need’ clients.

And, for the person considering their own demise, there is the reassurance that they have made the decisions rather than whoever in the grieving family comes forward to take control…not necessarily the person they would want to decide their funeral arrangements.

This week the Local Government Association released its 2010 survey into Public Health Funerals, also known as pauper’s funerals.

The number of public health funerals held by local authorities has remained consistent across the last three financial years (2007/8 to 2009/10) with, on average, 12  per year in  London boroughs, metropolitan and unitary councils) and three in district councils and Welsh authorities.

Eve Richardson, chief executive of the Dying Matters coalition, used the research to state that “older People being buried in what are in effect ‘Paupers’ graves should have no place in modern society.

“Unfortunately these numbers will only increase unless as a society we begin to take more responsibility for what happens to us and those older people living alone in communities.”

She is right…we have an obligation to take care of vulnerable, lonely old people in our communities; to show respect and kindness to elderly members of our families; and also to take personal responsibility for our end of life affairs.

This includes planning for, and paying for, our funerals. It should also encompass writing and updating our wills, and knowing the care options we are likely to face.

I also think it includes leading as healthy a lifestyle as possible, exercising and eating properly and visiting your doctor regularly.

These areas are all comprehensively covered in My Last Song.

The website also offers visitors a Lifebox so that when you have made your funeral wishes, written your will, listed who you want to have your possessions and written your life story, they will be stored securely and, when you die or are in the last stages of a terminal illness, your executor or trusted family member can open your Lifebox and carry out your wishes.

Because you wouldn’t want a pauper’s funeral, would you?

If a funeral is neither wholly religious, nor fully secular – what do you call it?

Funeral expert Professor Tony Walter has described it as ‘Pick ‘n’ Mix’.

However, as it is becoming the most popular funeral service or ceremony in our secular and diverse society, I believe it should be called the Modern British Funeral. It is more elegant than Pick ‘n’ Mix which I associate with the sweet counter at Woolworth.

The reason that the Modern British Funeral is becoming the normal send off is that it accommodates greater personalisation.  No longer are families willing to be told what is appropriate when remembering a loved one.

When we consider our own mortality, we want to be remembered as the unique individuals we are, not dispatched by a ‘cut and paste’ anonymous, dreary ritual that all too often is the outcome of the traditional funeral.

The Modern British Funeral is characterised by:

• a mixture of secular and religious music and readings;
• greater participation of family and friends in reading tributes;
• colourful clothing, colourful coffins and fewer ‘rules’;
• greater accessibility to mourners of other faiths and no faith.

Until fairly recently some ministers of religion would, with differing degrees of enthusiasm, deliver a ‘religion lite’ funeral. Most will now officiate at a service that is a Modern British Funeral.

Any serious objection by a clergyman to providing a Modern British Funeral can be overcome by stating the example of Princess Diana’s funeral.

A growing number of families decide that the funeral ceremony of a loved one should not be conducted by a minister of religion. These now choose a civil funeral normally held at a local council chamber and delivered by a civil celebrant.

And the funeral trade, having to provide what their customers want, will now advise on and arrange a Modern British Funeral happy to give – and charge for – a more bespoke service.

Modern British Funerals often have elements of a green funeral, with the interment at a Woodland Burial site and the increasing use of eco-friendly coffins.

For Modern British Funerals to succeed in providing a unique, well organised and celebratory way of saying farewell, families need to be better informed about a part of life that until recently was a taboo subject.

This is now changing. My Last Song is getting over 100 new visitors a day, with a growing number using their Lifebox to ensure their funeral wishes are safely stored to be accessed when necessary by their close family and executor.

The Good Funeral Guide, We Need To Talk About The Funeral and Last Orders are recent publications that provide information about things funereal.

Evidence then that we are now seeing the baby boomer generation which 50 years ago redefined youth culture, reclaiming funerals from the undertakers and ministers and re-casting the rituals for their dead.

Yes, the traditional funeral, while not dead yet, is on its way out to be replaced by the Modern British Funeral.  And a good thing too.

My Last Song has a solution which prevents people being ripped off by charlatan will writers, which is exposed in tonight’s Panorama.

My Last Song has a secure storage facility called the Lifebox where people put a copy of their will which their executors and close family access after they have died.

The website also has a section about wills and probate in which visitors are encouraged to use properly qualified solicitors to write their wills.

I consulted with the Law Society before launching the website and agreed to have links to their ‘find a solicitor’ website page so that people who didn’t have a solicitor could find a local qualified probate lawyer rather than go to a back-street will writer.

The Lifebox area within My Last Song guides people to put information that their close family members will require once they die rather than searching for it when grieving over the death of a loved one.  Examples are funeral wishes and who you want to attend the funeral.

Will Hammond, 53 from Hounslow, says the reassurance of knowing his will would be safe was one of the reasons he bought a Lifebox.

“The ability for my will and other important documents to be accessed by my next of kin is very appealing. I have spent a lot of time planning what I want to happen when I die, including the terms of my will.

“So it was a ‘no brainer’ when I decided to get a Lifebox which has advice on all the issues I had been considering.”

The Lifebox area of My Last Song is divided into sections including letter of wishes, funeral plan and important details.

The will section gives advice on how to draw up an initial plan which helps save time and money when dealing with a solicitor. When the will is written and signed, people are told to put a scanned copy in their Lifebox and to tell their executor where the hard copy is kept.

Another Lifebox user who has taken advantage of this facility is Rod Pearson who lives in Lambeth, south London.

“I recently updated my will because my personal circumstances changed. I have bought a Lifebox so that I can store a scanned copy and give the details of the solicitor who holds the original.  This information can then be easily accessed by my executor when the sad day comes, and it will be one less thing for my family to worry about.”

I can report progress on the intergenerational communications scheme I wrote about two weeks ago.

Well, for a start it is now called the Interfamily Personal History Online Scheme, or IPHOS for short.

More importantly, two weeks ago I sent an outline proposal to the Schools Minister, Nick Gibb, and also to a civil servant at the Department For Education.   As the scheme, sorry IPHOS, is to get school children to improve their older relatives’ computer confidence and competence, the minister and department responsible for schools seemed good places to start.

Well, this morning I got a call from the civil servant who said he liked the scheme.

He cautioned that the minister would probably decide that the proposal was too ‘hands on’ to deal with, and that instead I should talk to local authorities as these were responsible for the day to day educational activities of schools within their areas.

Rather than ‘cold call’ local councils, I thought I would see what endorsement or support I could get from Race Online 2012, whose purpose is to get as many people in the UK online and computer competent by the end of 2012 as possible.

Race Online 2012 is headed by Martha Lane Fox, so any backing the scheme (alright, IPHOS) gets from that organisation will receive the necessary publicity.

So I have just sent them an email asking what level of support I can expect from them.

I have adapted IPHOS to include a ‘deliverable’ whereby children who nominate an older relative to populate their Lifebox with their life histories and details about their friends and relatives will tell their classes about the interesting personal histories they have helped capture online.

This must appeal to teachers, families and pupils alike for it will enable children to tell each other in an ordered way their families’ histories thereby encouraging an interest in social history and an appreciation of their older relatives’ lives and times.

IPHOS might, of course, be one of hundreds of schemes with nice acronyms that never see the light of day, but I’m hopeful it might be a runner given the input of the DoE official and hopefully the backing of Race Online 2012.

Now I also need the support of a computer supplier or retailer such as Sony, Dell, Toshiba, Acer, HP, Currys or Comet and IPHOS will have some ‘traction’ as the marketeers like to say.

I will keep you posted.

The Lifebox facility within My Last Song could be a very useful gift for a young family member. It can help family bonding and the passing on of family history and information.

With the 14-21 age group communicate more online than face to face, intergenerational communication, especially within families, is rapidly disappearing, made worse as adult family members have less time to talk to their children, nephews and nieces.

The results are:

• Less family bonding and support;
• Less family understanding;
• Less knowledge of family history;
• Less tolerance within families; and
• Less passing on of wisdom and advice.

And so the importance of the family diminishes and this bodes ill for society because families, the support they give and the wisdom and experience they impart are of profound benefit.

However, if a young family member has their own Lifebox the situation in which intergenerational discussion takes place is more likely to take place.

Parents can show the young child the various sections and how to populate them with their childhood photos, important early events, details of friends and early educational achievements.

It can also be the place where parents and children record family history and information about close relatives, something that otherwise might be ignored, and then lost forever.

Once a child has his or her Lifebox, they can continue using it during their adult life as a safe place to store their memories and important personal details.

The Lifebox will be a unique and treasured present, and one children are likely to use throughout their lives especially as their childhoods will have been stored there.

In the middle of the winter I researched an article for My Last Song on the different things people can do with their ashes, or more accurately ask their loved ones to do with them.

One of the more interesting, more spiritual, options is called ‘Beaching’, which if my memory serves me properly is more popular on the west coast of the US and in Australia than in the UK.  But I can see it catching on here.

‘Beaching’ is creating shallow furrows in the hard sand on the beach when the tide is out.  You then sprinkle the ashes in these furrows which can spell the name of the person whose ashes are going to fill them.

As the ‘cremains’ (short for cremated remains) of an average size adult weigh between three and nine pounds and take up a volume of approximately 200 cubic inches, you can make a lot of letters in the sand into which the ashes are sprinkled,  and messages can be created.

As the tide comes in,  friends and family watch the remains of their loved one  slowly disappearing, to be gradually merged with the sand and stones of the advancing sea upon their favourite beach.

Cremains, it should be noted, are more similar in colour and appearance to crushed sea shells than they are to ashes, so ‘Beaching’ has a sort of natural appeal.

Anyway, now that summer is here, in an attempt to get publicity for My Last Song I wrote a press release with the angle that people enjoying a day at the seaside might be in for a shock knowing that little Johnny was being buried up to his head in a mixture of sand and the remains of a recently deceased human.

The release, which also mentioned some of the other more eccentric ways of dealing with ashes, appealed to a few journalists who have asked me for the names of people whose burnt and crushed remains might be between the toes of toddlers in Torquay as I tap this out.

I can’t supply names of people who are now a mixture of sand and charred bone as I don’t know, and it’s not the sort of thing people make public. So, the story might get spiked, but for those who find it interesting, it is now on this blog and on My Last Song.